Last Monday I was on the phone for two hours with my aunt in the Lowlands, she is my friend, my 'mother', my mirror. We always seem to have deep conversations about life and lessons to learn. That day I tried to explain to her what was going on here in London and while I was telling her about goals, dreams and realities she suddenly made me realise how much I've achieved over the last year. How I was thrown in at the deep end, how I nearly drowned struggling and how I slowly start to get back on my feet... I had to let go of a million things: personal things, most of my possessions and friendships, only to make room for new ones.
People tend to forget about you when you've left the country. Emails come in sparsely over time or even the odd reply seems to take much longer than usual. At first, friends, were a major reason for me to move back to the Lowlands if I feel I had no other option left. These days I realise it has become less important. It seems to be shifting: I couldn't do without the friendships I have in London nor the ones online. I still value some in the Lowlands but I realise most don't have a clue of what is going on here and it seems the interest isn't there either. It's life, people have their own path to follow and they're slowly untying the relationship.
I understand because I'm in my own process of untying/tying and although I have accomplished a lot it's odd how I still need others to remind me that I have. My aunt is a reminder, my Kekasih and so are some of my [blog] friends. I've learned about different realities over the past year, my own and those of others but I've learned to respect one in particular. His taught me patience and gave me freedom to roam my creative realms, his made me grow and fed my hunger for knowledge. His showed me what contemplation looks like in all it's different shades of beautiful blue. His taught me how to ignore poisonous words of others.
His gave me comfort, support and the most beautiful gift, a new reality: ours... I have been quiet for days because I couldn't find words to describe this feeling, I'm not even sure if I want to. Sometimes things are beyond words and don't need to be written down to become real, I know what's real and what isn't. Sometimes reality stares you in the face and you suddenly become aware of it's wonderful colours. It doesn't blind you that particular moment because you choose and wish to see the beauty in it's perfect reflection. It's when you find yourself speechless, in stunned silence and almost in tears but with a huge smile on your face.
So it's best to just be quiet and contemplate and since I love the wonderful smell of fresh baked bread in the house, I decided to bake a nice garlic and rosemary focaccia for lunch today with a plum tomato and feta omelette. Cooking is a way to relax to me and find my balance. I'm practising to get the perfect result so I can give in return to Kekasih one day what he gave to me earlier this week, I think I came pretty close to 'perfect' ;)
The weather has been pants for a few days now: I've had thunderstorms and vertical rain. I don't really mind because I don't have to go anywhere and have been extremely busy sorting out chores that have been on the to-do-list for ages already. I finally started to mend some dresses and skirts and I finally finished my chocolate satin dress. I don't know what happened but last week one thing led to another and all of a sudden I was sick and tired of the mess that has been lying around for some time now waiting for me to fix it or finish it. Oh... I remember what caused it: be prepared to dive into my warped mind...
Last Friday I received a wonderful surprise in the post all the way from New York, the package from Ismoyo that I'd won a while ago. Thank you, it's totally sweet! So I wanted to take some pictures, I always take pictures of everything and that's what it all started: me wanting to take pictures. I have a small desk near the window where my sewing machine sits and it's the best spot to take pictures since the light conditions are always perfect. But the desk was piled up with dresses that needed fixing. So basically I ended up cleaning up the mess. Halfway I decided to sort out my CD collection too, all the archive CDs that is.
And before I knew it I was throwing out stacks of old CDs that my Mac refused to read and burning Gigs to DVD, reorganising years of archiving. Then I got all hyper and realised that I only have two LaCie Porsches that I really needed to sort out because I don't have the extra backup space anymore. Well I do basically but it needs a lot of reorganising. So while working on websites for clients I suddenly realised that if one of those Porsches would crash I would have a serious problem: I don't have the extra backup available, the second Porsche became home to my music collection instead.
What happened next is that I started my online research for internal and external HDs to see if I could afford one. I asked Christiaan for advice since I had a slight idea what I wanted but wasn't sure if that was the best option but he confirmed my feeling *thank you!*. So I decided to buy an extra 500Gig internal HD since that is the cheapest way for now and I do need to invest in this if I don't want to get myself into trouble. Over the weekend I ended up wasting time waiting for others to help me so I lost a few hours there but have been catching up these last few days.
Why the detour you wonder? Because I need to get rid of clutter: all the clutter around me on desks, the clutter on my Mac which used to be organised but most of all the clutter in my head. I'm probably over-criticising myself again because some from the past told me I was the most organised person they'd ever met and I guess I can see why. But you see, I can't design new projects if I don't have a neat place to work: neat place clean of clutter means no clutter but room in my head... So I decided to throw out and declutter starting with the pile of clothes waiting to be mended.
And since I finally have a clean window desk I finally took some pictures. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get back to decluttering so I can start some web design soon!
I received an invitation last night from Barbara and one a while ago from Inci, both good friends and both (ex)student Graphic Design at the Rietveld Academy in Amsterdam where I used to work. I can't remember which year Barbara graduated but Inci graduated two days ago *congratulations!!!* and both invited me to their parties in Amsterdam which unfortunately I won't be able to attend because of some obligations. Their invitations reminded me of something that was brought to my attention recently, another invitation which I received through this blog...
I'm talking about the art project Beck's Canvas organised by Beck's beer in collaboration with the Royal College of Art here in London. Beck's Canvas offers talented artists a way to expose their artwork to the public using the label on Beck's bottles as their canvas. On the evening of the 16th July, Beck's will announce the four artists selected by a panel of judges from the Royal College of Art to showcase their art on the labels of over 27 million bottles to be distributed nationwide from August 2008. I've been invited to the exclusive launch of this event which will take place in exactly two weeks from now.
Beck's have championed talented artists without compromise for over 20 years, a very interesting, unique collection and taster can be found on their website including artists such as Tracey Emin, Damien Hirst, Jake&Dino Chapman, and Tatsuo Miyajima. Beck's Canvas marks an evolution of their ongoing support for emerging artists and their vision to bring inspiring and challenging artwork to a broader public. I'm really looking forward to attending this gallery exhibition and see the actual artwork of the four finalists on display. I hope I'll be allowed to take some pictures and show them on here!
Watch this space after the 16th...
I had a really relaxed weekend after a bit of an annoying week. You see; I have been trying to get some sample urls from a client for three weeks now, to see what kind of design they would prefer and to get an appointment with them to go there and discuss things. I never received a response from the person who was supposed to contact me until Tuesday night, last week when J. -her boss and friend of A. who's really eager to get things done- forwarded her email to me because she'd sent it to him instead of me.
So I read the email just after midnight when I was on my way to bed and noticed that she expected me to be in the office the next morning [I don't think so!]. Ever since, I have sent emails, have been on the phone every day and left messages to call me back. No reaction... Here I am thinking: I'm doing you a big favour -I am actually- and you can't find two minutes of your precious time to respond to my email or give me a call back? What on earth is your problem, do you want this deal or not?
In the meantime I'm getting more work in and I've about four websites to design so time is running out since this particular client needs to have it all done by the end of August. I've installed the software, played with it and I realised while checking it out that this is not going to be a simple job. Normally with this amount of work at least one developer and designer would be assigned and be given three or four months. I've been given less than two months, while other work needs to be done as well. See my point?...
To stay focused on the serious clients I arranged to meet up with K. over the weekend to get some input from him about what he would like. He's a landscape gardener/designer and he is extremely creative so after our brainstorming session I left having all these ideas and images in my head and I couldn't wait to get started. He showed me some amazing gardens that he did for these millionaire clients: owners of huge old Victorian houses with huge gardens in the West End and South End of London. Truly inspiring!
K. was extremely enthusiastic about having his website done and came up with really nice ideas. I took his portfolio with me so I can scan some of his drawings and I'll have to do some research later today to see if I can find some leaves and stone structures. I'll also have to redesign his business card once the website is done. K. was so enthusiastic that he had told a friend about it and this friend -who's in education- is really interested in having his website done as well. So... things are picking up!
After the meeting with K. I went over to C. to work in their garden. We've been cutting and trimming down a large bush to clear the path while enjoying the beautiful weather. Their garden is amazing but it's all growing wild now since they haven't done much maintenance. I helped cutting last year but they neglected it ever since while I offered my help so many times. I really love working in the garden, so I had a bit of a gardening theme going on all Saturday and a nice BBQ to end the day *hehe*
I was totally knackered when I came home, knackered but relaxed and Sunday... well... Sunday was just a typical Sunday...
P.S. C. made a really interesting remark, she said: 'those who are sincerely busy will always make time for you, those who are not busy at all need to pretend to appear to be busy thus won't make time for you...' I think she has an excellent point there!
'The worst-tempered people I've ever met were the people who knew they were wrong.'
Wilson Mizner
I went to the Summer Fair yesterday and was extremely disappointed about the whole thing. I thought it would be some really interesting design show but I didn't see anything new or innovative just a repeat of what has already been out there. And this fair claims to be about the latest trends, well sorry... but it was all waaaaay to contemporary and just plain boring. I can't believe people would actually be willing to pay an entrance fee for this [25 pounds I think]. I've seen far more interesting stuff on the internet design-wise by independent artists and/or designers and for free.
Perhaps I've got it all wrong, perhaps I have different standards and I dare to admit that these might be slightly high but I do recognise when hot air is being sold. I got this 'Disneyland' feeling *being sarcastic* while I was there so I guess my expectations were too high. Also an incident with a trader from Isleworth who seemed to have some personality issue on the edge of paranoia/aggression, made me want to leave. The other people at the stand had to make up for his behaviour by apologising about five times... I'm sure his attitude and his so not-worth-mentioning-products won't bring him much business.
There were a few really nice stands though, there was one that showed amazing furniture and accessories handmade from natural reclaimed and recycled materials. And another that had funny metallic wind spinners, unfortunately the links to their websites don't work so I can't show them here. Still I was in and out in about 45 minutes and spent the rest of the day enjoying the unexpected sun and the wonderful company of my friend Karin and her partner. It was quite windy though, 28mph according to the BBC weather forecast, but it was nice to have a stroll around the area.
Back to work today... I'm gonna be sketching for a few hours for the online glove shop and will work on my own project which happens to be an online shop as well.
Matters from the heart today...
I received a lovely email last night from a sweet and very talented fellow blogger and friend: Ismoyo. We met up earlier this year when she came to London to work on her book and we spent a wonderful day chatting and walking around Chinatown, Soho and Covent Garden looking for all things Asian: I guess because it's in our genes, as we're both Eurasian Indos *hehe*. I love Asian design, especially package design and I have a super soft spot for Sanrio characters.
Ismoyo posted her 500+ post last week and organised a 'Times Five Giveaway' to thank her readers and guess what? I'm the extremely lucky winner of her extremely kawaii package #2 chock-full of wonderful Sanrio goodies *YAY!* Such a sweet gesture, I'm looking forward to receiving her beautiful gift! Like I said earlier: she is a very talented designer based in New York, so do go over and have a look at all her wonderful things!
When I moved to London I had to give up on most of my personal things, I've given away or thrown out furniture, crockery, treasures, books etc. etc. These days my whole life fits in about 30 cardboard removal boxes. I don't have any crockery of my own anymore, it ended up near the garbage for someone to take. So I've decided to collect some treasures over time, that way I won't have to spend money on it all at once. A treat to myself and my Kekasih.
Since there is no Hema here I have to find things online and I'm getting good at it... Last week some of my treasures arrived in the mail and I've been extremely happy with it. I've paid a decent price [eBay]: compared to shop prices my things are cheap. I collect Chinese plates and bowls and I found a beautiful toast rack which is exceptional and I wonder about its history. I've never seen anything like it here in the UK and I suspect it's a valuable antique.
The Chinese bowls are the same as the ones I used to eat from when I was a kid: I love the pattern and the dragon. So if you have these still, please please please don't throw them out! Plates, bowls, spoons, tea cups with the rice grain and dragon... anything is welcome! I will keep them safe till the day my Kekasih will be sitting at the same table as me, enjoying a meal together and using these treasures for the first time. That's the stuff that Dreams are made of...
Sentuh hatiku [touch my heart].
I have been in deep thinkers mode lately; just too many questions in my head. A letter came in this morning from the Lowlands and it ended up unopened on top of the one that has been lying on my desk for at least two weeks now. Both from the same sender. I wonder what is keeping me from opening and reading them. I don't know the answer but if I had to guess it's probably because I might be afraid of having to read about someone's disappointment. Knowing that I can't be there for her, coz I have my own worries.
Mine are that I don't understand what I'm dealing with over here and it's utterly frustrating because I'm in a catch-22 so it seems. So I've decided to adopt a different approach to things which basically means I will have to work extremely hard over the next couple of months to get where I need to be after the summer. No more time for faffing but trying to stay focused. It's not just a personal situation, it's also the fact that whatever is going on in this country, it ain't positive at all and not just scare stories...
I don't watch the news and I try to avoid the free papers. Reading about a recession and how it affects the economy is not very uplifting. It's 'just' another thing that adds up to the list. I've exchanged emails with an English friend and told him that I was thinking about moving back and how it would feel like a failure to me. Admitting to someone that those thoughts have crossed my mind was a hard thing to do. But he reminded me of something he wrote last year when we first started to exchange emails.
He said it's good to always know that I could return to the Lowlands and that I shouldn't view it as failure. If anything I should see it as England failed me... He is right, giving up is not my style but having to deal with e.g.: negative figures, a credit crunch, people who take their savings out of the bank and a rising number of unemployment etc. plus struggles that I have in reaching my number one goal which is basically related to everything I just mentioned is not that simple and can be really disheartening most of the time.
But I've made a decision and I'm gonna stick with it... Next week I'll be visiting the summer fair and will network my way into more business. I'm gonna prepare a strategy, keep a stack of business cards ready, wear a gorgeous dress and my nicest smile and talk the talk. Because by the end of the summer I want to have at least six showcases online. I have one showcase in already and will start working on it tomorrow. It's a total redesign for an online shop that sells leather products to high street department stores like Debenhams, House of Fraser etc.
It's an exciting project because I've never used e-commerce software before. It comes with my hosting package as well: so first thing tomorrow will be installing it on my server. That way I can test the redesigned templates and get familiar with the front- and back-end of the software. Sunday I'll be meeting up with a garden landscaper to chat about a web design. And today I've finished a second Flash website for a client in Scotland. Over the weekend I'll have to finish a gallery to add to the first website that I did earlier this year.
So forgive me if I seem to have vanished, it's temporary because I really need to stay focused...
Whenever I had a not-so-happy phase in life, I had the tendency not to eat and skip meals or eat soup and toast instead of a meal because I was too lazy to cook. I don't know what triggered it but at some point I realised that I should look after myself no matter what circumstances and whether I'd feel like eating or not: I should have something nutritious. I guess my approach to cooking changed when I realised that I could use cooking to treat myself, be good to me. Buying and preparing nice, good food was like buying a gift for myself. Ever since that moment, years ago, cooking became almost some kind of meditation and/or celebration instead of a daily chore.
Last week I watched a show on BBC4 about the biggest Chinese restaurant in the world situated in the Hunanese town of Changsha [circa 5000 seats]. The owner at some point explained her philosophy of cooking in relation to her chefs which -what I first thought- was quite similar to mine: food is an expression of the soul... I feel that, when you cook something that looks and tastes beautiful, you don't just feed your body but your soul too. To me cooking is relaxing [most of the time] and I try to take time and not feel rushed by a clock. I developed my own cooking Taoism [nourishment of the body, longevity] combined with some Confucianism too [taste, texture, appearance].
So what I didn't understand about this show was the owners philosophy and how it was so not applied to their ways in preparing meals which was quite disturbing to me. At some point the 300 chefs were in a competition to show how quickly they could prepare certain dishes. They showed how to descale a live fish with a knife whilst holding it down on a cutting board. Next thing they did was batter the fish and shove the still wriggling body in a wok with smoking hot oil until fried. They then put it on a plate, sprinkled some green over it and served a fresh slowly dying fish to the jury. A similar thing happened to a snake which was skinned but the 'worst thing' happened to a duck...
The owner said that to keep her chef's minds creative so they would come up with new ideas for new menus, she would take them out on a field trip to refresh the spirit. This time she took them to visit the duck farm that supplied their 200 consumed ducks a day. After a tour around the farm, they prepared their own meal and showed how to kill a duck before preparing it. It came down to poking a bamboo stick right through the breast, putting your finger through the hole to pull out the heart of the live duck. All this to keep the good flavours and happy customers... I had to turn my head away in disgust because I already had seen an overdose of animal cruelty during this 45 minutes show.
I was in total shock to see such cold-hearted behaviour. Don't get me wrong I don't approve of certain Western ways either but this was just immoral and all done for the sake of making as much money as you can to serve the country's elite and the communist party... It totally doesn't make sense to me, none of it. Well I guess my definition of nurturing myself and preparing a beautiful meal to celebrate tradition or simply to give a gift to myself and/or others is a totally different philosophy than the one showed on BBC4 that evening. Storyville: The Biggest Chinese Restaurant In The World, BBC4 broadcasted on Tuesday, 27 May 2008.
My definition would be something like this:
Last Saturday I had the most delicious flower ever... yes a thistle. Some might not realise that a certain ingredient of Mediterranean cuisine is a flower as well, the bud that is... But my thistles were huge and cheap too, only a pound each. And since it's all about simplicity I boiled them with some garlic, a bay leaf and two slices of lemon. I made a dip of olive oil, lemon juice, some Dutch herbs, salt, pepper and a tiny bit of Lea & Perrins. I was having a most exciting, delicious and finger-licking lunch that day...
